We have these "friends." You may know who I am referring to since they are the only reason I exist in this Mormon blogging world. OK, OK, I will try to post a picture to drive my point home.
"So cute, don't they look friendly?" OK, good. I did it. Incidentally, I think it is somewhat funny that Mindy looks like a glamorous super model yet she put Steven's big head in front of her for this picture. Isn't her blond hair pretty? JUST KIDDING! We like the dark, too. I digress. Now, I don't want you to answer my question based on your possible relationship with these people. I want you to base it completely on my story. They may look like friends but I am here to tell you, wolves in sheep's clothing, wolves . . . in . . . sheep's . . . clothing.
These peoples were friends, then they moved and became "friends," I am bitter, we have been over this, I am sure it is well documented, but just know that that is part of the background. Well these peoples decided to make a trans continental journey for Christmas. A one way car trip I would estimate, give or take, 1 million miles. Good, great, grand. Fun family trip, get to go to a cool place, see some other friends, etc. Good time, good Christmas, whatever, not the point.
Well, I recently learned that their trans continental travels would take them a VERY short distance from my home. I mean, I could take their tires out with a short ranged sniper rifle from my home. That is how close they were passing by.
Now, just so no one has to make any assumptions, my wife and I have an apartment with TWO bathrooms that are clean. We have a kitchen table. We even have food. Our apartment may be small, but we can accommodate a small Mormon army for a short amount of time.
Back to the story. We have gone to see these "friends" at least three times and spent the weekend with them since their move. They have "said" that they want to come to H* to see all of their old friends (maybe I assumed too much that that included me). They even thought we could watch their kids and they could do their temple recommends or recommands (whatever, you know what they are). Blah, blah, blah "we will come see you". well, well, well. . . .
Well . . . you guessed it. Puttt, puttttt, putttttt . . . THEY DROVE RIGHT ON BY. Are you KIDDING me?!? ARE YOU K I D D I N G ME?!? (Make sure you re-read the last sentence putting substantial emphasis on "kidding"). OK, continue. They live far away. Their trans continental journey takes them within a bb gun's range of my home, and they don't stop. Technically, we didn't even talk to them until they were past us.
Well, John, maybe you are over exaggerating. "You always do." Maybe you are making too much of this. "You always do." Maybe the exact reason that you are calling them out in this post is the reason they didn't want to stop or tell you they could see what you were wearing when they drove by . . . but did not stop.
You might be right. There are some good reasons why they wouldn't stop. Stopping would add time to an already long journey. They are off to a good start, the kids are behaving, they are making good time. Perhaps the sole bridge from Texas to Louisiana is being closed in a few hours for Christmas and they won't be able to reach their destination. Maybe they are the one family in America who can travel with three small children and NEVER need to stop. NEVER need to use the restroom (one of them does wear diapers . . . Steven, (ya know like the crazy astronaut lady)). Maybe they wanted to stop but didn't want to put up with ME. Maybe they wanted to stop but knew when they had to get back on the road, I would be mad that they are leaving so soon. Incidentally, I walk the earth in fear everyday that the Lord will strike me down because I want to spend time with people I love!!! GOOD GRIEF! Maybe I am not as cool as I think I am. All of this to say, you are right. There are some good reasons why they might not have stopped.
But my fellow bloggers, as Paul Harvey (the late???? not real sure) would say, "Now the rest of the story."
These "friends" stopped at a park/truck stop/something to eat their packed lunch a MERE 30 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE. ARE YOU K I D D I N G ME!?! (Same rules apply to this previous sentence as the rule above). At this truck stop, the restrooms were so bad that according to unpublished reports, the men had been using the women's restroom. Can we all get a nice visual of what that was like or should I elaborate? Picture sweet little Emmy in her ballerina costume leaping over puddles of urine in her ballerina slippers to get to her throne . . . but she is only as graceful as Mindy (see Mindy's injured hand playing volleyball). What type of individuals typically use these restrooms on a daily basis? I think you get my point.
So, I guess in my "friend's" planning they said, "Hey, H* would be a good spot to stop, eat lunch, and use the bathroom, take a break. Maybe we would could see John and Elizabeth." But no. You know what they thought was a better idea. "Hey, I know, lets not stop at John and Elizabeth's. Lets drive 30 minutes past and stop at Nasty Truck Stops-R-Us and eat lunch and take a bathroom break. That way we don't have to deal with John and we will make better time."
Boy I tell you what. Makes me feel like my mother did a poor job of teaching me what the definition of a friend is. I mean when this type of thing happens, it makes me question the meaning of life. I have been rejected many times. I have been rejected by many women, many opportunities, many things . . . but this has to be the penultimate. It may be the ultimate rejection, but if not, it certainly has to be the penultimate.
Well this post is getting on in years so I should wrap it up. Basically, my Christmas is ruined. But don't let that fact effect your choice of whether these are "friends" or "not so much friends". Feel free to add comments but at least post 1) "friends" or 2) "not so much friends".
Based on the results of this poll, we may be looking for a new Mormon family to adopt. Please apply at your local Ward this Sunday.
I sure hope they made that closing bridge across the Sabine river or those kids will never forget the Christmas spent on the swamp with the 'gators.
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."
