Monday, August 25, 2008

The 'Do

To do this properly (for historical purposes and such -- because I AM going down in history for something) I'm going to post before and after pics.

With some curls.

And without.

3/4 inches, baby!

I really hate taking pictures of myself.

Then again, maybe it's just not very flattering to be in front of a camera.

Before photos taken by: Elizabeth

After photos taken by : Elizabeth

Thanks, monkey.

p.s. If you don't get this click here.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Built In Home Defense

Before I begin, let me welcome back all those Google Reader users. My dusty little blog has missed you and glad for you to tune back in. I don't like Google Reader because I know if I don't write, people don't visit or comment. I understand why you use it and why you like it. You have a lot more blogs to check than I do and we all have little time on our hands. But sometimes, you need to visit a blog and leave a comment to let the author know you are checking in on them. I understand that if I wrote more you would visit more but I can't deal with that pressure.

Now then, I have contemplated getting a handgun for sometime now. While I have never actually shot a handgun, I have always wanted to shoot one and own one. Well my little wifey is scared of guns (mostly) and thinks one of our kids will shoot themselves. Never mind the fact that we don't have any kids. (Thus you can see the level of her fear). Well now there is someone in our little family who has shot a handgun . . .

My little sweet face signed up for a Leisure Learning course on her own and it was a two day basic class. They went over the handguns the first night and then went to the shooting range the next night. She liked the class a lot and was even open to us purchasing a handgun. But she still said I have to keep the gun and the bullets locked in two totally different places. I am still trying to explain that there is not much of a point owning a handgun if I have to crack one safe to get the gun and then crack another safe to get the bullets. But we are making progress.

I realized there is a problem. If in the event we had a handgun and there was a situation where we needed one (intruder, squirrel, random bobcat killing our friends sheep (that one is for Fluffy but I don't think she reads this blog so I should probably start backspacing)) I would probably catch myself handing the gun to my wife because at least she has actually shot a handgun before and I haven't. Probably a little embarrassing for my manhood but at least now I have a Built In Home Defense!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

What's in a Name?

We are trying to find names for our cows and newborn calves. I have it narrowed down to a couple. Perhaps you could offer your suggestion or votes to help me pick!!!

Audra or Mindy with Joshua or Olivia

Olivia or Joshua

Mindy or Audra :)

And this is just a picture of my Dad's ranch hand on his new tractor.

Now, for the record, I think every woman named or seen in this post is a stunningly beautiful, slender, deadly attractive, smart, sophisticated woman. There is no need to draw your own conclusions from any references you may incorrectly imagine. Any such references are your own and are not necessarily the references or conclusions of this author.

What is your vote for the animals? (between the names given of course!)

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Somewhat Wordless Wednesday

Just a picture of me out doing the Lord's work . . .

At the time this picture was taken, I was telling this young lady that there were actually 4 chapters of JOHN in the bible and she was flirting back with me and that was kind of why I was getting a big head. I just didn't realize it would show up in the picture.

* for the record . . . no way I cropped this photo. this, ladies and gentlemen was done by one of your Bishops which subsequently came into my possession. I thought Bishops were busy individuals. Apparently I was mistaken . . . although very clever nonetheless . . .

Wise Tara


You are wise telling me the story how the "friends" treated you poorly as well. That made me feel better about myself because at least now I know it wasn't only me they were treating so poorly.

Mindy and Steven are actually known as quite festive Halloween party goers because every year they dress up. Although it is the same costume every year:

"Hey they kind of look like little sheeps." "Yeah, yeah they do look like a little ram and a little ewe." "Well but wait, wait look at that part where the zipper does not come all the way up." "It kind of looks like wolf fur." "Yeah and those sheep have some awfully long fangs for sheep." "I don't know . . . they look like nice cute little sheep but I am afraid they are just wolves in sheep's clothing and when you get up closer they will bite our heads off."


- everyone who encounters them on Halloween . . . and every other day of the year

Tara, you must tell me more about this WAED that your brother, SIL and Micks partaketh of in RR. Maybe that is the key to get me to move there or at the very least become Mormon.


Sunday, December 23, 2007

Poll - Is this the definition of a "friend"?

I am taking a poll. I will tell you a story and then I want you to tell us whether the individuals in that story would be classified as "friends" or as "not so much friends."

We have these "friends." You may know who I am referring to since they are the only reason I exist in this Mormon blogging world. OK, OK, I will try to post a picture to drive my point home.

"So cute, don't they look friendly?" OK, good. I did it. Incidentally, I think it is somewhat funny that Mindy looks like a glamorous super model yet she put Steven's big head in front of her for this picture. Isn't her blond hair pretty? JUST KIDDING! We like the dark, too. I digress. Now, I don't want you to answer my question based on your possible relationship with these people. I want you to base it completely on my story. They may look like friends but I am here to tell you, wolves in sheep's clothing, wolves . . . in . . . sheep's . . . clothing.

These peoples were friends, then they moved and became "friends," I am bitter, we have been over this, I am sure it is well documented, but just know that that is part of the background. Well these peoples decided to make a trans continental journey for Christmas. A one way car trip I would estimate, give or take, 1 million miles. Good, great, grand. Fun family trip, get to go to a cool place, see some other friends, etc. Good time, good Christmas, whatever, not the point.

Well, I recently learned that their trans continental travels would take them a VERY short distance from my home. I mean, I could take their tires out with a short ranged sniper rifle from my home. That is how close they were passing by.

Now, just so no one has to make any assumptions, my wife and I have an apartment with TWO bathrooms that are clean. We have a kitchen table. We even have food. Our apartment may be small, but we can accommodate a small Mormon army for a short amount of time.

Back to the story. We have gone to see these "friends" at least three times and spent the weekend with them since their move. They have "said" that they want to come to H* to see all of their old friends (maybe I assumed too much that that included me). They even thought we could watch their kids and they could do their temple recommends or recommands (whatever, you know what they are). Blah, blah, blah "we will come see you". well, well, well. . . .

Well . . . you guessed it. Puttt, puttttt, putttttt . . . THEY DROVE RIGHT ON BY. Are you KIDDING me?!? ARE YOU K I D D I N G ME?!? (Make sure you re-read the last sentence putting substantial emphasis on "kidding"). OK, continue. They live far away. Their trans continental journey takes them within a bb gun's range of my home, and they don't stop. Technically, we didn't even talk to them until they were past us.

Well, John, maybe you are over exaggerating. "You always do." Maybe you are making too much of this. "You always do." Maybe the exact reason that you are calling them out in this post is the reason they didn't want to stop or tell you they could see what you were wearing when they drove by . . . but did not stop.

You might be right. There are some good reasons why they wouldn't stop. Stopping would add time to an already long journey. They are off to a good start, the kids are behaving, they are making good time. Perhaps the sole bridge from Texas to Louisiana is being closed in a few hours for Christmas and they won't be able to reach their destination. Maybe they are the one family in America who can travel with three small children and NEVER need to stop. NEVER need to use the restroom (one of them does wear diapers . . . Steven, (ya know like the crazy astronaut lady)). Maybe they wanted to stop but didn't want to put up with ME. Maybe they wanted to stop but knew when they had to get back on the road, I would be mad that they are leaving so soon. Incidentally, I walk the earth in fear everyday that the Lord will strike me down because I want to spend time with people I love!!! GOOD GRIEF! Maybe I am not as cool as I think I am. All of this to say, you are right. There are some good reasons why they might not have stopped.

But my fellow bloggers, as Paul Harvey (the late???? not real sure) would say, "Now the rest of the story."

These "friends" stopped at a park/truck stop/something to eat their packed lunch a MERE 30 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE. ARE YOU K I D D I N G ME!?! (Same rules apply to this previous sentence as the rule above). At this truck stop, the restrooms were so bad that according to unpublished reports, the men had been using the women's restroom. Can we all get a nice visual of what that was like or should I elaborate? Picture sweet little Emmy in her ballerina costume leaping over puddles of urine in her ballerina slippers to get to her throne . . . but she is only as graceful as Mindy (see Mindy's injured hand playing volleyball). What type of individuals typically use these restrooms on a daily basis? I think you get my point.

So, I guess in my "friend's" planning they said, "Hey, H* would be a good spot to stop, eat lunch, and use the bathroom, take a break. Maybe we would could see John and Elizabeth." But no. You know what they thought was a better idea. "Hey, I know, lets not stop at John and Elizabeth's. Lets drive 30 minutes past and stop at Nasty Truck Stops-R-Us and eat lunch and take a bathroom break. That way we don't have to deal with John and we will make better time."

Boy I tell you what. Makes me feel like my mother did a poor job of teaching me what the definition of a friend is. I mean when this type of thing happens, it makes me question the meaning of life. I have been rejected many times. I have been rejected by many women, many opportunities, many things . . . but this has to be the penultimate. It may be the ultimate rejection, but if not, it certainly has to be the penultimate.

Well this post is getting on in years so I should wrap it up. Basically, my Christmas is ruined. But don't let that fact effect your choice of whether these are "friends" or "not so much friends". Feel free to add comments but at least post 1) "friends" or 2) "not so much friends".

Based on the results of this poll, we may be looking for a new Mormon family to adopt. Please apply at your local Ward this Sunday.

I sure hope they made that closing bridge across the Sabine river or those kids will never forget the Christmas spent on the swamp with the 'gators.

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Holiday Happiness/Blogging Sadness

Well, it appears the holiday season is in full swing. The level of blogging has slowed to a dull trickle. Now certainly, I am not much help because as everyone likes to point out, I haven't blogged very much. But as I have said, I am a blog reader, not a blog blogger.

As I have checked blogs, the amount of time between posts becomes greater. I must chalk this up to the holiday season. People are busier and therefore have less time to blog. People are also happier so therefore, in a way, they have less of a need to blog (hmmm . . . there is a blog topic). They check their friends blogs less and also have less time to write. This makes me sad. I enjoy reading others blogs and getting a feel for what is going on in their life (even though I don't know some (most) people). Its kind of like legal and socially acceptable stalking, but I digress (please don't remove me from your approved reader list :))

Due to the lack of time people have to check blogs and the fact people have probably stopped checking my blog because I haven't posted in months, I fear many won't get my message. But alas:

To all you lovely ladies . . . and Brian . . . o.k., you got me . . . To all you lovely ladies . . . who do happen upon my blog, I would like to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and even though I love the holiday season, may the post holiday blues insight the blogging (and therefore revealing) madness!